No woman wants an unfaithful partner, the emotional stress that comes with being married to a man who cheats is draining. But then if you’re married to one what do you do? That moment when you find out your husband is having an affair with a colleague from the office, a business partner or even that friend whom you never heard of, the shock and disbelief are overwhelming.
You begin to wonder if you are not enough for your partner, or what is it that he found in that lady which attracted him to her. Or do you just believe the common saying that “men are polygamous in nature”? It’s all too much to handle at once so calm down, take a deep breath and find out what to do if you find yourself in such a situation.
How To Approach The Situation
After finding out he is cheating you feel the shock and you want to confront him. He is likely to deny the allegations or stutter trying to explain himself. You probably saw some signs like late-night calls, impromptu meetings, and getting into the shower immediately after he gets back, but ignored them thinking nothing was going on but then you finally got evidence.
Rebuilding trust is a formidable challenge. Dealing with feelings of low self-esteem, persistent suspicion, accusations, heartache, and constant anxiety makes the marriage feel fragile. However, it’s important to realize that the power to shape the outcome lies in your hands. You can choose a different ending to the story of your marriage.
1. Do not blame yourself:
Do not blame yourself for your husband’s promiscuous life. Women often tend to focus on what they might have lacked or where they fell short in the relationship. Instead, consider that he encountered an opportunity and didn’t resist it. It takes a lot of time to cheat and in that period he could have stopped to think about you and the long-term effect it may have on your relationship but he didn’t. It’s more about his mindset than any shortcomings on your part. If anything, assess his mentality to understand what to anticipate from him in the future.
2. Do not keep reminding him of his flaws:
You’re right to want him to feel the seriousness of the pain and possible embarrassment he caused you but repeatedly emphasizing this truth will not contribute to the healing process from his infidelity. While it’s natural to take time and discuss the issue, continually reminding him may hinder both of your efforts to move forward. No one would find it uncomfortable to be consistently criticized for the same mistake.
Constantly bringing it up may further sour your relationship. If he is genuinely sorry, forgive him and allow yourself to heal from the hurt, it’s not going to be easy but it’s worth it.
3. Occupy yourself with things you love:
This is one important step to take if you want to heal and stay in your marriage. Thoughts of your husband cheating will occupy your mind and you will constantly think about it all over again so you need to do something else to take your mind off.
Do soothing you love, don’t sit in a place and sulk all day long. Pick a hobby, go out with friends, do soothing fun. This will help you heal, lighten your spirit and make you heal faster.
4. Redefine your relationship and make your intentions clear to him:
Communicate with your husband, let him know that you both are married to each other, you took wedding views which he has to abide by. Also, define your tolerance limit to his infidelity because he can’t continue misbehaving and expect you to keep taking it. Just don’t go threatening him or nagging him, it may further complicate your relationship. After making all these clear, if he still goes ahead to mess up he already knows what he stands to lose. It simply means he doesn’t respect you or your marriage vows.
5. Seek counsel from experts:
Every marriage has its ups and downs, good and bad moments but when it comes to infidelity, trust can be shattered and you may find it difficult to rebuild trust in your marriage. Seeking counsel from experts could help you stay in your marriage and pick up from where you left off.
You have to be intentional about making your marriage work after your husband cheats. Listen to advice and steps you can take to stay in peace and harmony with each other.
Staying in marriage with a cheating husband is never easy. I get it that you’re hurt and heartbroken. It’s never an easy task resulting in a relationship where the trust is already broken. You may have thoughts of him cheating again and all that but of course, you want your marriage to work.
This is just a guide to help you rebuild your marriage with a cheating husband. I hope this helps.