Relationships with the one you love and care about will always have its ups and downs. And this time I’m not talking about finances or situations regarding your families or things you can’t control, I’m talking about when the man you love hurts you so badly to the point you begin to think of ways to make him feel the exact way you feel too. You are not alone in this, many others feel the same way too. This is because beyond being a loyal and loving partner, you are human first.
Relationships are a rollercoaster of emotions. Today you can feel happy and don’t want to let go of each other, tomorrow you feel hurt, angry, and sad and don’t even want to see him or hear his voice for a while, and some other days you love him so much and hate him at the same time and all you can do is cry due to the conflicting emotions you are experiencing.
When someone you love or care about hurts you, it can be challenging to find the right words to express your feelings. While it is important to you to communicate openly and honestly and make him feel very bad for hurting you, you also want to do it in a way that when you are done it doesn’t escalate the problem but you both understand each other more, he apologizes to you and you make up.
There is no manual to having a good relationship to be very honest, because you can follow a set down rule of ‘how to have the most peaceful relationship’, and you and your man will still fight every day!
Let’s dive right into this article where I will be telling you what to say and how to say it to make him feel bad for hurting your feelings.
1. Reflect On What Led To Everything
Before you engage him in a conversation, after you guys must have had the first bout of shouts, and arguments and you must have cried, the next thing you need to do when you are calm-headed is to reflect on the situation without wanting to play the victim, and ask yourself;
- What led to this?
- Did he intentionally do it to hurt me?
- Has something like this happened before?
- If it has, how did you handle it?
- How did he respond to how you handled it initially?
- How hurt did you feel when it happened?
- If this is a reoccurring hurt he inflicts on you and you have voiced how you felt about it before now, do you want to continue in the relationship knowing he may keep inflicting the same hurt on you knowing how you feel about it?
When you’ve reflected on all these and you’ve been able to give yourself an honest answer, then you can go ahead to have a conversation with him, this will help you tailor what you have to say to him.
2. The Right Time And Place Can Make A Huge Difference
These kinds of discussions determine the future of your relationship or marriage, so you don’t want to choose a time when either of you is stressed or tired or a place where you both won’t be comfortable enough to speak your mind. Choose a time and place where you can both sit down and have an uninterrupted conversation.
3. Express Your Feelings Using ‘I’ Statements
When you both meet, start by expressing your feelings of hurt and betrayal and also tell him exactly why it hurt you. While doing so, make sure to use the ‘I’ statement. This is to ensure he knows you are talking about your feelings and not that you are accusing him openly, even if you are indirectly accusing him of causing you hurt. You can say something along the lines of “I felt hurt when…” instead of “You hurt me when…”
You can also say things like;
- “I experience emotional distress when my text messages go unanswered for extended periods.”
- “Unfulfilled plans hurt me a lot.”
- “I sense a lack of assistance and a sense of solitude in our partnership, particularly when I’m solely responsible for household chores.”
This approach allows you to communicate your emotions without immediately putting the other person on the defensive.
4. Listen To Him
We know you are hurt and the reason you are having the conversation is to let him know you feel hurt and make him feel bad for hurting you, but also listen to him when he speaks too, that is the only way you will know he is feeling bad for hurting you right? This means fully engaging with what he is saying and showing that you are trying to understand his perspective. This can be done through verbal cues such as nodding, asking clarifying questions, and repeating what he said.
By actively listening, you are showing that you are willing to listen to and consider his perspective which, ironically, can make him feel guiltier for his actions.
5. Do Not Let Him Downplay How You Feel
While you must listen to what he has to say, don’t let him play the victim. You are the one hurting here by his actions, don’t let him make it look like he is the victim or turn the whole scenario around to the point you get confused. Don’t let him downplay your emotions. Even if you are hurt by what he feels is the smallest thing, and even if somewhere in your mind you know it’s not that big of a deal, you are hurt not just because of the action but by who acted, Don’t let him downplay it.
Own it with your full chest and let him know you don’t care how small it is, you were hurt by it. And by doing it, don’t let him off the hook easily. If this is something he repeatedly does and apologizes, then it’s time you stop making him feel like all he has to do is apologize and you both are cool again, make him feel so bad for it, and ‘work’ for your forgiveness.
6. Focus On Solutions And Set Boundaries
You are having this conversation with him in the first place because you want to work out things, so while you are making him feel bad for hurting you, also focus and try to mend the relationship and understand each other so that such doesn’t happen again. But this must be after he understands that you hurt. You can ask questions like, “How can we avoid this happening in the future?” or “What can we do better?”
When you’ve taken care of that you need to discuss and set clear boundaries that both parties can agree on to prevent something like this from repeating in the future. This is to let him know you are not a pushover and make him respect you the more. This way he will feel even worse for doing things that made his once peaceful relationship get to this point.
7. Practice Forgiveness
It may not always seem like it, but practicing forgiveness can make him feel bad for hurting you. This ‘simple yet hard’ act will make him see how much you are working for the relationship to work, show him you love him, and make him come to the point of feeling guilty for not realizing your importance and upsetting you.
Forgiveness is also a crucial part of healing and moving forward in any relationship. Once you’ve communicated your feelings and addressed the issue, work on forgiving him and letting go of the pain.
8. Seek Support
While it is important to forgive and make up with him if you truly love and care about him, if the hurt runs deep and is a reoccurring issue, then just talking and making him feel bad may not work, You need to consider seeking the help of a relationship counselor, therapist, close family or friend. This can provide valuable insights and tools for improving communication and resolving conflicts and helping you know what step to take next that will determine the future of your relationship or marriage.
Feeling hurt and wanting to make your partner feel bad for hurting you is a common and understandable response to pain. As outlined above, there are several approaches to get that response from him. While the ultimate responsibility for his actions and making amends rests solely on him, these strategies can assist you in managing the situation and progressing towards personal growth and recovery.