Trying to please everyone all the time can wear a person down. Negative emotions, including rage, frustration, worry, and stress, are also possible outcomes.
You may assume our people-pleasing is winning folks over, and they would like us more, but on the contrary, you are pushing for more surface-level interactions; if you happen to get any interaction, it would be from those who want to take advantage of you.
To avoid being a people-pleaser, you need to work not caring so much and lift the burden of giving a damn off your shoulders.
Here are some effective steps to take to overcome the habit of caring too much.
Master the technique of ‘Letting Go’
If you let your feelings control you, it could have a negative impact on your health. If you live on the edge all the time, you can miss out on the little things that make life worth living.
It’s okay to set limits and retreat when something isn’t worth your time and energy. Don’t allow yourself to get overwhelmed by anything that happens. Learn the art of detachment and save your vitality for what really matters.
Avoid worrying by focusing on the bright side of life and actively seeking out great experiences. Indulge in some self-care activities every day, including taking up a new hobby or skill. This will not only provide mental stimulation but will also help you think more clearly and reduce mental strain.
Don’t be responsible for other people’s feelings
You need to accept that it’s not my job to make other people happy.
Your fear of hurting the other person will keep you in unhealthy relationships for too long. This is because you have put the feelings of others before your own. Such behaviour causes you to put up with toxic relationships for fear of making the other person unhappy. People like this feel enormous remorse for breaking up with someone that they didn’t even want to be with to begin with.
Recognise that you are not responsible for the emotions of others and develop the skills to cope with your own. It is not your job to try to change their minds if they are feeling negative; it is on them.
Apologies for things that aren’t our fault are the most common example of this. And we do all this to try to win people over and earn their favour.
Be aware that others don’t think much of you (everyone is worried about themselves)
One common problem for worriers is becoming preoccupied with what others think of them. When people start wondering if others are observing their every action and word, it can set off a spiral of insecurity. This is the kind of crippling concern that may eat away at your confidence.
In truth, most people aren’t paying attention to you specifically. They are focused on fixing their own problems and care little about what you are up to. The time has come to figure out how to get over caring about other people. Give up trying to please other people and learn to love your independence.
Get your feelings under control
Learning to recognise the signs that you’re becoming emotionally attached is an important step towards caring less. If you find yourself preoccupied with a problem for extended periods of time or getting worked up over it when it doesn’t warrant such attention, you may be giving it too much weight.
Recognising this, consider the feeling you hope to achieve. The next step is to take actions that bring you closer to your goal. Do things that make you happy if you want to feel happier. This will refocus your energy in a more productive direction.
Strengthen your sense of self-worth
A strong sense of self-belief is essential, one that can withstand any pressure from without. Putting too much stock on the outcomes of a single event can make you anxious if the result falls short of your hopes. Therefore, the best way to prevent this is to strengthen one’s feeling of self-worth.
Make up your mind that you are valuable. Put yourself in the company of people who will cheer you on no matter what, take pride in even the tiniest of your achievements, and don’t forget to be kind to yourself. If you make a mistake, try to be understanding.
Say ‘No’ more often
Being able to say “no” is one of the most challenging tasks to face if you are not confident enough.
Say “no” if there’s something you really don’t want to do. Doing so will lead you to spend more time on pursuits that bring you joy and less on duties that you view as burdens.
A friendship with a person you can’t say no to is toxic. They might be with you simply because you are a pushover and not healthy or right. You want genuine people who would be in your life because they love you for who you are and not what they can benefit from you.
It’s important to set boundaries in addition to just saying “no” sometimes. We can decide for ourselves where our limits lie. In the workplace, at home, and in our personal relationships, we get to set the standards for what is and is not tolerated.
Perhaps your roommate is always leaving you to clean up after them; establish strict limits with respect to this. When you make it clear to those around you what is and isn’t appropriate behaviour, they gain more respect for you. In fact, the relationships you form are strengthened in this way. It is better to have friends who respect you than those who take you as a pushover.
We can prescribe a set of standards that we want to live by, and it is not asking too much to want people to accept our boundaries. If they refuse to respect our boundaries, we must accept the fact that we must part ways.
You own the right to live life freely and on your own terms. Do not be held back by trying to please people.
When you are a people-pleaser who cares excessively about what others think of you, you only attract ingenuine people who want to use you.
You should be bold enough not to give people so much power over you. It is more liberating to not care so much about what people think of you.
Today is a good day to begin your journey of not caring so much.