How do you deal with a hateful wife?
Why some may be looking for ways to make their wife hate them, there are a lot of married men who complain on different forums such as; “my wife hates me but I love her”, and “why does my wife hate me?” If your wife loves you one minute and hates you the next, then this article will be your guide.
The saying that there is a thin line between love and hate is not a lie. You can go to bed at night and wake up the next morning to find that someone who meant everything to you has become the worst person to ever walk the planet. And this is usually worse when that person is someone you’ve taken a vow to spend the rest of your life with.
How does love turn sour? How does your wife go from loving you so much to hating you? Sometimes you may not know why she hates you, and other times it may be your fault due to something you did. Either way, you need to do something about this, and fast.
There will be an emotional disconnection from the bond you both share; there will be fights, tears, and a lack of communication; in extreme cases, she or you may move out of the house or seek a divorce; and at the end of the day, you won’t be able to recognize the woman you once fell in love with. Before things get to this point or worse, you need to know what to do to salvage the situation and save your marriage.
Here is a list of things you should do if you discover your wife hates you.
1. Determine what the problem is
No one just starts hating someone they once loved; something must have led to this. This is the first thing you should do if you don’t know what made her hate you. If you need to ask questions, do that; if you need to run an investigation, do it as long as you dig out the root cause of her change in attitude because that is the only way you can start finding a solution to it.
2. Talk to her
Sometimes people do everything else in a marriage or relationship except communicate. And communication would have stopped things from escalating to this point. You’ve discovered she hates you. You need to find a way to talk to her in a way she can listen to you; if not, it’s only going to be a shouting contest or her ignoring you all through, and you will still not have resolved the issue. She is your wife, so you should know the right time to tell her certain things. Trying to resolve an issue like this with her when the kids are giving her a tough time may not be the best, as she may likely transfer all the aggression onto you. In this scenario, timing is everything.
3. Apologize to her
“Baby, I’m sorry,” is all it takes to melt her ice heart towards you. Sincerely apologize to her and admit that you were wrong in whatever you did that made her develop hatred for you. Note, though, that an apology can quench anger but may not be able to quench hatred. If you cheated on her, a simple apology may not cut it. You may have to go overboard in your apology for her to start forgiving you.
4. Shower her with gifts
Women love gifts. They enjoy receiving gifts, and it has been demonstrated that gifting a woman is one of the quickest ways to her heart. Gift her that thing you know she will find very difficult to reject, even if she hates you. It can be designer bags, a car, or remodeling the kitchen. A first-edition book signed by her favorite author, and a limited-edition shoe. Or it can be an experience. A live concert by her favorite musician, a vacation away from the kids, a spa date with her friends, just anything you know she can’t reject will give you leverage to plead your case better.
5. Start appreciating her efforts
Your wife works an 8-to-5 job like you; she gets up at 5 a.m., helps the kids get ready for school, makes breakfast while also rushing to get ready for work, she picks the kids up from school in some cases when you are too busy, she helps them do your homework, she makes lunch for their dinner, she cleans the house, and she does the laundry. You come home, and after dinner, you want to make love, and she can’t say no even though she is tired. And then the only thing you do is wake up in the morning at 6, prepare for work, eat breakfast, and drop the kids off at school. And then you complain when some of these things aren’t done on time and expect it to be solely her job, and you don’t take time to notice her and appreciate her for putting your life in order.
Sometimes all she needs may just be a peck on the head with you saying ‘thank you for all you do for the kids and me’. No matter how much she is tired, she will be happy. If you don’t do this, she may despise you and see it as proof that her life has deteriorated since she married you. Appreciating her more will help you if this is your situation.
6. Go for counseling
If you realize that the problem cannot be resolved simply by talking, and she still does not know how to forgive you despite your best efforts, persuading her to see a professional may benefit you both. Seeing a counselor together who can help you both see what the real issue is, hash it out, and guide her on a process of forgiveness can help you bring peace back to your home.
7. Show her that you are changing
To apologize is one thing; to change the ways that made her dislike you is quite another. Show her that you are ready to make amends and that you are ready to deviate from your old ways, which only brought her hurt. If she sees that you are making an effort to bring back normalcy to your home, she can go back to being the loving wife you knew her to be.
8. Give her space
Your wife may be just very angry with you, but because you’ve never seen her that angry with you, you conclude that she now hates you. If your wife is the kind of person who doesn’t want to see or talk to you when she gets angry, then you need to give her space to reason out what she wants.
If she has to see you everywhere she turns in the house, she may only end up getting angrier. Give her space to cool down; maybe at that point, she will be ready to talk to you and carefully deal with what the issue is. Giving her space doesn’t mean you completely ignore her. Texting her at least once every day. Calling her and coming back to the house to restock the fridge will tell her that you really do love her and you are just waiting for her to take you back.
9. Talk to people she listens to
This should be the last trick in your book. If you’ve tried anything else and you can’t solve it between you, talking to someone she listens to can help your case. It can be her mother, her father, her brother or sister, her aunt or uncle, or her pastor. If the person speaks to her and she holds them in high regard, she may have a change of heart.
Marriage is not a bed of roses and is filled with ups and downs, but when you’ve committed to loving someone till death do you part, this means that the person has become a part of you for eternity. Just like how you can never be comfortable when you have a headache or an upset stomach and try to find drugs to ease it fast, that’s the same thing you should do when issues crop up in your marriage.